i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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