You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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