smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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