Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
