I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
