a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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