he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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