ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can text with my tongue
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
