You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
