I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
