I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
3 2 1 whiskey
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
