Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
