It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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