Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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