Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
