She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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