you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
