it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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