My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
