BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
