you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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