he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
