wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize