How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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