whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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