Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
