i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
