yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is Oprah even human
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
