i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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