Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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