is this the sara with the beer cane?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
