i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
