I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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