she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
