dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I bet he comes in French.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
