Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
