Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
