5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
