oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
