Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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