if you like me you must not know who I am
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
