Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
