i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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