What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
