saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
