i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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