He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
