Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
