Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
