took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
