dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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