guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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