where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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