I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm always down for nudity.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
