I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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