Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
