my sisters under your porch take her home
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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