went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize