its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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