alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
