I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
