can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
