The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
