He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize