I CAN MOONWALK!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
