You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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