didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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