do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
