No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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