Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
FUCK WHALES
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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