Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
