we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
