omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
