We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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