About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it's great music for shaving your balls
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
