The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
