OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
