I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
