i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
