I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
