I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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