Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
