We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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