when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
