Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
