I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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