I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
