I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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