This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this boner is exhausting
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
