Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
