The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
