I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
