from now on my penis is your penis
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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