I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
